And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
