This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's always time for handjobs
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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