i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
