Do you still have your period?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
