i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
