there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
