soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
