Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
