come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
