I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
