dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
