He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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