i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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