Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
