She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
