so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
