Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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