oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
