I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
