i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
