i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
