I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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