Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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