he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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