Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
