I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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