She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
