Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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