Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
