We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
