i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
