I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was confusing and full of hummus
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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