i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
