You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
