Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Apparently you make a good broom.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No subtext here. People are naked.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
