First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
