I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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