i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
