His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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