Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize