While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
