It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All the doctor said was why
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
