; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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