Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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