I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
