well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
one two three fourrrrnication!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish you could order shots online.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
