Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
