Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My Higher Power is John Stamos
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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