I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize