what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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