So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You are a genius and a whore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize