Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
