i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
