May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
