I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
