toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
