Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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