I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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