You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
