I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize