yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
