she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
