is your mom at the bar?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
