Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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