She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Houston, we have a squirter
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
