Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize