He uses pillows to masturbate.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
