Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
