Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
