dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
