Dual....:-)
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
